At least make sure they are 18
Why
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
