I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He better not be in your backpack
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
