im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
