Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
