im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
sex in a hospital.. check
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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