You just made me feel so damn special
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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