He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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