I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
