just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
