So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
