Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
