come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
