So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
