I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
