so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
