question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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