i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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