i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
