it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
