Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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