Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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