I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
