Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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