Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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