Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
