I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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