I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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