haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
