it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
please don't ironically join a cult
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