Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Let's get the cat blown out
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
