What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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