i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
