I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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