I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
