i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
