I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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