you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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