It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
