Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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