So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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