Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
