I'm going to jail i love you
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
