So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
