Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
