1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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