ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
