pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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