I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
