He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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