he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
