I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
